Thursday, April 12, 2012

What did I Just Watch?: Immortals

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For a couple weeks my close friend Kenneth the third has been trying to get me to watch the action blockbuster Immortals. Now I was not violently opposed to this film in any way or shape, in fact I actually wanted to watch this film. See I love Greek mythology truth be told I already have a tattoo of Poseidon on my forearm, and I have plans for a couple more of the gods to find themselves inked onto my skin.

(Spoiler Alert Ahead)
First five minutes of this film the narrator filled us in on what is a very accurate depiction of the events of Greek mythologies. Then they preform their first infraction, they use common un-painted rebar in the Titan's cage in Tartarus. I understand the visual appeal of rebar and how it can set the the atmosphere but this for me raises to problems. The first being historical accuracy, there was no rebar in ancient Greece so this is just so fucking wrong. No my second reason for being bothered by this is that it is such a cheap prop in such a big budget film I feel like they copped out and filmed the scene after a majority of the budget had been blown.
Now the one thing I found about this movie is when there is no fighting it is boring and the acting is terrible. When it comes time to fight this movie becomes very visually impressive with excellent camera angles that leaves the viewer ultimately breathless. The well timed and intricately choreographed fights leave your jaw dropped to the floor.
One of the things about this film that they did that I did find very interesting is how they modified the legend of the Minotaur. According to myth the mighty Minotaur is the body of a man with the head of a bull, and with that head comes brutal power. Someone in their writing staff is a genus to change that to a man who wears a helm made to look like a bulls head, cause well let's face it that is probably how it actually was when that legend came to be. That is unless someone has seen one and has just decided to not tell the general public.
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The next infraction this film commits is the helm the give to Poseidon when is just bumming around in olympus. The helm is suppose to look like a fish but it looks like they go it out of a going under art gallery 90% sale. The two shells on it make Poseidon like the god of the Bugs, who is part praying mantis.
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Speaking of helms however if some one were to say that Apollo is wearing a sun shaped helmet you would probably think of a lame hat you would normally see on sesame street. Nope not this time it is bad ass three feet of spiky death Mohawk sun helm, yup it is beyond badass right there. Then Mr. Punk rock sun god descends from the heavens to save our heroes by blowing up a small army's heads with a bad ass mace before Zeus kills him with an improvised weapon made from a log pulled from the fire.
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From there the movie takes a twist it is epic battle after epic battle. Well except for the final battle between the mighty hero and the evil king. It was very anti-climatic and not very excited compared to the epic battle the gods are entangled in that the movie keeps flashing to. I have a feeling the reason this fight was because of Mickey Rourke for two reasons. First he is old and tired so he won't be able to preform elaborate and intense fight scenes, and second he wanted his character to not look like a fucking pussy so he had to almost win.
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My third and final problem lies with the end of the film the very last scene is the main hero battling in the heavens along with all the gods that died during the film to which all I can say is... Does nobody actually die in this film. I understand the film is call Immortals and therefore they are "immortal" but when you try to evoke an emotion when some one dies then they should stay dead.
This film was good about fifteen percent of the time no more. The action was excellent but over all it left me feeling disappointed.

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