Thursday, April 5, 2012

What did I just watch?: Age of the Dragons

As of a short while ago a very close friend of mine informed me that there was a functioning Rogers video store. This made me so excited I nearly wet my self, it has been a couple months since the blockbuster and Rogers video closed down in my neck of the woods. Unfortunately Netflix was not able to support my avid movie watching habit, because of the restrictive copyright laws here in Canada Netflix has a very small selection. So to discover a fully operational video rental is big news an I will spread this news to any and all who will listen to me rabble.
After work on monday Mr. Devo joined me and brought a movie he had rented with him. Now Mr. Devo is on a mission to find and watch every film with Vinnie Jones in it, I can understand this because Vinnie is just awesome and because most people think Mr. Devo is a lot like the roles that Vinnie Jones plays. The movie in question sounded awesome a retelling of the classic Herman Melville novel Moby Dick but instead of whales there are Dragons.
When Mr. Devo told me this I was like this sounds like an epic adventure but what I found to be weird is that he said it came out in 2010. This is strange toe for the reason that I have heard nothing of the film ever and upon shooting a text to a friend of mine, who worked at a theater for the last five years, she informed me that she had never heard of a film called Age Of The Dragons. We popped into the play station and pushed the X button and started the movie.
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Now aside from Vinnie Jones the other name to add a degree of star power to this film is Danny Glover best known for his role in 1987's lethal weapon. After watching this film I think that Danny needs to look in the mirror every morning and repeat his most famous line from the Lethal Weapon franchise "I am too old for this shit!".
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This movie was boring it was pretty much a direct translation filled with long lulls of nothing of importance. It was hard to watch an I found myself getting extremely bored with it. During the beginning Vinnie Jones as alway was awesome but you could tell he realized how bad of a film it was and wanted out cause next thing you know he is burned by a discovery channel graphics dragon. With that half of the star power and the one of the only interesting characters died.
bah it was beyond terrible and I would not wish it upon anyone. Upon the rolling of the credits I felt pure frustration. I should have damaged the disc to prevent anyone else from ever viewing this atrocity.
The only redeeming feature of this film is that they had a sweet land ship. It was like a medieval tank rolling across the frozen country side. An epic steampunk vehicle that in a lot of ways I wished was in my possession.
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