What did I just watch?: Age of the Dragons

As of a short while ago a very close friend of mine informed me that there was a functioning Rogers video store. This made me so excited I nearly wet my self, it has been a couple months since the blockbuster and Rogers video closed down in my neck of the woods. Unfortunately Netflix was not able to support my avid movie watching habit, because of the restrictive copyright laws here in Canada Netflix has a very small selection. So to discover a fully operational video rental is big news an I will spread this news to any and all who will listen to me rabble.
After work on monday Mr. Devo joined me and brought a movie he had rented with him. Now Mr. Devo is on a mission to find and watch every film with Vinnie Jones in it, I can understand this because Vinnie is just awesome and because most people think Mr. Devo is a lot like the roles that Vinnie Jones plays. The movie in question sounded awesome a retelling of the classic Herman Melville novel Moby Dick but instead of whales there are Dragons.
When Mr. Devo told me this I was like this sounds like an epic adventure but what I found to be weird is that he said it came out in 2010. This is strange toe for the reason that I have heard nothing of the film ever and upon shooting a text to a friend of mine, who worked at a theater for the last five years, she informed me that she had never heard of a film called Age Of The Dragons. We popped into the play station and pushed the X button and started the movie.

Now aside from Vinnie Jones the other name to add a degree of star power to this film is Danny Glover best known for his role in 1987's lethal weapon. After watching this film I think that Danny needs to look in the mirror every morning and repeat his most famous line from the Lethal Weapon franchise "I am too old for this shit!".

This movie was boring it was pretty much a direct translation filled with long lulls of nothing of importance. It was hard to watch an I found myself getting extremely bored with it. During the beginning Vinnie Jones as alway was awesome but you could tell he realized how bad of a film it was and wanted out cause next thing you know he is burned by a discovery channel graphics dragon. With that half of the star power and the one of the only interesting characters died.
bah it was beyond terrible and I would not wish it upon anyone. Upon the rolling of the credits I felt pure frustration. I should have damaged the disc to prevent anyone else from ever viewing this atrocity.
The only redeeming feature of this film is that they had a sweet land ship. It was like a medieval tank rolling across the frozen country side. An epic steampunk vehicle that in a lot of ways I wished was in my possession.

What if Wednesday: horror movies

And the roulette wheel lands on... Horror, oh what the horror. For this weeks installment of What If Wednesday I am asked the what if question of " If you could be any horror movie monster who would you be?
So here we go top 5 movie monsters I would like to be

1. Godzilla

Just imagine some one pissed you off by coming to your home and polluting in it or just trying to sell you shit you don't need, so what do you do as payback, destroy a fucking city. When you are 20 stories tall the world is your bloody oyster, you can do what you want because if anyone tries to stop you, well just step on them. On top of that blue oyster cult wrote a fearing song about just how awesome you are.

2. Dracula

Or any vampire the doesn't sparkle realistically. Living for eternity after eternity enjoying the finer points of life like sex with crazy vampire chicks what's not to enjoy. People will say but what about the sun, to which I reply bah to the sun it hurts my eyes burns my skin and gives me a headache. Pasty skin and no reflection, endless time to peruse my hobbies being a vampire is the life for me.

3. Predator

The thrill of hunting down crazed and powerful beasts from across a vast amount of galaxies. It would be awesome to have the active camouflage like they do and walk around being entirely invisible and just wreak mayhem everywhere I go. Now to think of the crazy as sin tech at my disposal nets, guns and spaceships man it would be awesome

4. Freddy Krueger

Life would be a dream... literally I would be living in dreams. It would be like the ultimate game of grand theft auto where you could kill, maim and slaughter to your hearts content. The amount of fun you could have with that is endless. Now let's have a look at his hand, it is like wolverine on steroids.

5. Creature from the Black lagoon

Being amphibious would be pretty cool and terrorizing the locals by jumping out of the water would be fun. I would honestly spend my days just playing pranks on fishermen an unsuspecting swimmers.

If I were a monster I would be just a little shit all the time.

Dungeons and Resources: the twilight horizon

For those of you who game might I recommend you try your hand at shadowrun. This is one of the bigger role playing games and is my personal favorite, I have been GMing this one for quite some time on and off. I had originally started it with one group and transferred it to my new group. This game holds so close to my heart cause it was the first RPG I ever ran. I had to spend many an hour to amerce myself into this world.
So I recently, as in on Sunday, I bought and downloaded off of my favorite source site drive thru RPG one of the new shadowrun source books, The Twilight Horizon. Now this is a fourth edition book and I run a 3.5 campaign but a new source book is always a welcome sight, because any book can be helpful to a run. I always find I have to alter the stories to fit my campaign but they sometimes give me interesting ideas to make a challenge for my players.

If you are looking for a good set of different runs for any modern or futuristic style campaigns

How to survive a zombie apocalypse: CDC

This morning while reading my google news something very interesting popped up under the category of zombies. Yes I have set one of my google gadget news settings to keep me updated about zombies a man can not be to prepared. I use this to find interesting articles about zombie things like games or walks, survival tips or tools and such other things, I one day hope to find one of my own posts on there.
I never thought I would find something like this however, an American government site offering tips on how to survive a zombie apocalypse. The CDC has released this very tongue in cheek style blog post about the basics of surviving such a catastrophe. It is smart for them to do this because let's face the facts those who are prepared for a zombie outbreak are prepared for all kinds of disasters.
For those who need to start their worst case survival kits this is a great tool for those who have not been preparing for the better part of their lives. So check this out to start learning or to brush up on some basics on what to do when the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan.

http://www.bt.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp

Cooking Concoctions: Honey Orange Pork Tenderloin

This month I have been taking all of my old magazines to work so I can scan them and then recycle them so I can clear up so space in my apartment, news flash i have more shit then space. While scanning one of my old men's health magazines I found a interesting recipe for pork tenderloin with orange juice it sounded crazy and delicious. so I just had to try it.

4 lbs of Pork Tenderloin
1/4 Cup of chicken broth
6 oz can frozen orange-juice
2 tbsp of rosemary
3 tbsp of olive oil
1/4 cup of honey
3 minced garlic cloves
black pepper
salt


combine all ingredients in a large freezer bag and let marinate for 5 hours.


Grill on Medium heat for twenty minuets turning regularly

served with some steamed with Italian dressing


turned out amazing and delicious

Wtf Hollywood: Battlefield America

At work yesterday I took a moment to look at the trailers for up and coming movies on the internets best movie site IMDB. After watching the Avengers Trailer for the umpteenth time I found a movie trailer that made me die a little inside.
The Movie, Battlefield America.... That title is awesome so full of promise and paints images of an action packed movie about the fight for survival in an American wasteland. The Tag line, "Where kids rule" this now says to me we have a fallout style lord of the flies which just screams awesome film, cause who would want to see a book of Eli meets Peter pan.
My dreams for this film were dashed as I watched the trailer. This film with an amazing title an foreshadowing tag line is actually about a bunch of "gangsta" eight year olds who break dance. What is that about!

The kids in this movie are early elementary school but they act like hardened gang bangers. It is infuriating to watch. At one point a kid with braces tells another kid that he is on his turf, you are 8 years old kid you don't have
"turf". It just looks beyond terrible!
Whoever came up with this story should have their head examined and if they are not declared mentally unstable then taken out back and taken care of the way old yeller was. Also whoever funded this terrible idea should have all their money taken away and given to me because I am a much better investment.

What if Wednesday: mythical beasts

The wonderful app on my phone gave me this very awesome what if question for this hump day. What if I could have a mythical beast as a pet, what mythical beast would it be? I thought on this for a bit before I busted out the good old D&D monster manual and started browsing through to find my new hypothetical pet.
I picked out my top 5 and give a brief summery as to my selection

1. Minotaur

How badass would it be if you could have a Mighty Minotaur guarding your house. I think it would be a sweet deal to have a brutish half man half bull and all around scary creature keeping burglers at bay. I can see it now the high wooden fence of my future house with a weather worn sign stating " beware of Minotaur "; and as a burgler in a black and white striped shirt and wool knit cap laghing as he leaps over the fence only to find himself face to face with a snorting bull head attached to the body of a fully muscled man.
Another upside is that all minotaurs come with a labyrinth right and who hasn't wanted a labyrinth.

2. Succubus

Now who hasn't wanted a sexy demon held captive by a belessed chain as a feature of their living room. This red skinned embodiment of sin would be the hit at every party with her awesome bat wings and sensual body.
Aside from parties this little vixen would also be quite a wonder to have during private time, if you catch my not so subtle drift.

3. Beholder

Straight from the famous monster of the D&D books comes the mighty and powerful Beholder. This multi-eyed creature would be awesome as a pet. What more could you want then a powerful magical beast who can float. And just think about all the awesome looks you would get if you were to walk down the street with this toothed beastie on a leash.

4. Chimaera

people are always saying that 2 heads are better then one well then four heads are freaking amazing. With the heads of a lion a ram and a dragon, the wings of a bat and a tail of a full snake the Chimaera is not only a furry pet but a scaly one too. Only downside I can for see is if the heads start fighting I don't think you could ever get them to stop.

5. Dragon

Every kid had a dream to show up to school atop a mighty dragon and who can blame them. To this day I still wish I could ride to work on a dragon, who needs to car pool when you can fly over the streets and rooftops to your destination. Let us not forget the fire breathing, together me and my dragon could burninate the countrysides and rule the world

If only I had pets like these... I can dream still.