What If Wednesday: Space Crew

The movie Prometheus is coming out just over a week from now and as a movie geek I am hoping that it will mark a new chapter in sci-fi films. Set in the same universe as the Alien films this film could potentially be one of the first stages that lead to the film series that is loved by movie lovers.

In my group of friends this movie has been a bit of a talking point, us being sci-fi fans and all. Well in the bar on Saturday Kenneth the third decided that we should participate in a little exercise. This is an exercise that is done by geeks all the time especially when it comes to geeky films coming out. The idea is to fill all of the positions a deep space exploration ship would need for a full crew with you playing the role of a civilian scientist.

Here it is: IF YOU WERE ON A SPACE EXPLORATION TEAM WHO WOULD MAKE UP THAT TEAM (movie casting couch)

Captain - Hugh Laurie

This grizzled looking man has the charisma to entice anyone to do his bidding as well as his attitude demands respect. Think of Dr. House's genius when he is not pumping drugs into his veins commanding a ship. The only thing is I would want Hugh to use his true British accent that he has been repressing all this time.

Ex O - Angelina Jolie

The stunning Mrs. Angelina Jolie would make an excellent ExO her firm attitude off put by her sensual looks. She has already played a role like this once before in the very steampunk film "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" and let me tell you she did awesome.

Navigator - Matt LeBlanc

Yes he played the dumb but lovable Joey on friends and that is what he is best known for but don't count him out for sci-fi just yet. For those who don't remember he played Major Don West in the 1998 remake of lost in space he did pretty good in that flick and I think playing the navigator would be right up his ally.

Warrant Officer- Vinnie Jones

This Soccer hooligan is one of my favorite cult actors and has a tendency to play gruff take no attitude kind of guy. As a warrant officer aboard the ship he would scary anyone who tried to step out of line. I would probably make sure there is an Exoskeleton Suit called the juggernaut, just for fandom sake.

Chem Eng - Robert Downey JR

Don't think of the brilliant but boozy Tony Stark think more like the drugged up Sherlock Holmes, ether way he seems to be type cast and does it very well. As the ships mandatory chemical engineer he would work closely with me the civilian scientist and be a mediator between me and the others.

Tech Officer - Ryan Reynolds

First off this cast needed a Canadian that is for sure, so why not the sexy and witty Ryan Reynolds. Now every crew needs a smart ass who fixes everything when it breaks down and I think the Ryan and his smokin abs are perfect for this job.

Love Interest - Scarlet Johanson

She is the military assigned scientist on this trek to discovery, she is cute and geeky. She is not a fan of having to share her lab with me and we start off on a very wrong foot, but after some humbling moments and a couple of near death experiences we begin to fall for each other.

Med Officer - Sigourney Weaver

What is science fiction without it's queen, nothing! Therefore it is a must that we have the fantastic Sigorne Weaver on the grand stage as the Med Officer. For fun however and the pure irony of it she will have to probably die second just to screw with people.

Synthetic - Alan Rickmen

What every sci-fi film needs is a sense of AI, be it a computer or a cyborg it needs to be there. As geeks the robot is usually one of the favorite characters, and using a cult British actor seems the perfect fit. That and his monochromatic tone is just perfect for a synthetic life form.

What did I just watch?: Age of the Dragons

As of a short while ago a very close friend of mine informed me that there was a functioning Rogers video store. This made me so excited I nearly wet my self, it has been a couple months since the blockbuster and Rogers video closed down in my neck of the woods. Unfortunately Netflix was not able to support my avid movie watching habit, because of the restrictive copyright laws here in Canada Netflix has a very small selection. So to discover a fully operational video rental is big news an I will spread this news to any and all who will listen to me rabble.
After work on monday Mr. Devo joined me and brought a movie he had rented with him. Now Mr. Devo is on a mission to find and watch every film with Vinnie Jones in it, I can understand this because Vinnie is just awesome and because most people think Mr. Devo is a lot like the roles that Vinnie Jones plays. The movie in question sounded awesome a retelling of the classic Herman Melville novel Moby Dick but instead of whales there are Dragons.
When Mr. Devo told me this I was like this sounds like an epic adventure but what I found to be weird is that he said it came out in 2010. This is strange toe for the reason that I have heard nothing of the film ever and upon shooting a text to a friend of mine, who worked at a theater for the last five years, she informed me that she had never heard of a film called Age Of The Dragons. We popped into the play station and pushed the X button and started the movie.

Now aside from Vinnie Jones the other name to add a degree of star power to this film is Danny Glover best known for his role in 1987's lethal weapon. After watching this film I think that Danny needs to look in the mirror every morning and repeat his most famous line from the Lethal Weapon franchise "I am too old for this shit!".

This movie was boring it was pretty much a direct translation filled with long lulls of nothing of importance. It was hard to watch an I found myself getting extremely bored with it. During the beginning Vinnie Jones as alway was awesome but you could tell he realized how bad of a film it was and wanted out cause next thing you know he is burned by a discovery channel graphics dragon. With that half of the star power and the one of the only interesting characters died.
bah it was beyond terrible and I would not wish it upon anyone. Upon the rolling of the credits I felt pure frustration. I should have damaged the disc to prevent anyone else from ever viewing this atrocity.
The only redeeming feature of this film is that they had a sweet land ship. It was like a medieval tank rolling across the frozen country side. An epic steampunk vehicle that in a lot of ways I wished was in my possession.